COWGATE CENTRE CELEBRATES 30 YEARS COMBATTING HOMELESSNESS

SquareOne News Feature

by Katie Smyth

Located underneath a block of student flats in a quiet corner of Holyrood Road the Cowgate Centre’s unobtrusive exterior belies the vital work that goes on behind its heavy blue door. Celebrating its 30^th anniversary this year, Scotland’s only drop in centre for homeless people is open day and night 365 days a year, offering a unique range of services. Manager Lorna Gunn chats to SquareOne about the efforts of her dedicated team.

“Basically at night we’re a crisis centre,” she explains. “If you find yourself on the street with nowhere else to go you can arrive here. Staff will try and find you accommodation whether it’s a hostel, B&B, or if you’re young we will contact the out of hours emergency social work department to try and find you a safe place to be.” However, aware of the limitations to what it can actually achieve the Cowgate Centre also has facilities for homeless to sleep in the centre, offering mats for 40 people to rest on.

Pressure for space and a desire to help people truly in need, and not just those who find themselves too wasted after a night on the booze, means that the centre implements a strict door policy. Gunn explains two staff man the CCTV guarded door at all times and all visitors must sign a register. She claims, “It’s mostly for the safety of the individuals who use our service. We like to know who’s in the building, what kind of state they’re in and what their general needs are.” Those felt to be too intoxicated will not make it over the threshold but will be asked to go for a walk and come back when they are sober.

It is said that you are only ever two pay cheques away from homelessness and Gunn cannot attribute it to a few specific factors: “People come here who have had marriage break-ups and they’ve had to sell their house, we have people who have alcohol or drugs problems, people who have arrived from the EU who were promised jobs and their jobs have fallen through.” The latter can also be counselled at the centre by a multi-lingual staff.

However, the centre does not just operate as another shelter. During the day it runs a variety of drop-in surgeries to help the homeless get back on their feet. “We’ve got English classes, employability classes, benefit agencies coming in. We’ve got an alcohol support group and a drugs support group,” Gunn explains, naming just a few of the services on offer. The Cowgate Centre forms just one part of FourSquare, an Edinburgh wide initiative whose various outlets cover every aspect of homelessness from basic shelter to improving an individual’s employability, (through Spectrum) to providing basic start-up furniture for tenancies.

MSP Sarah Boyack lauded the many achievements of the FourSquare organisation at its 30^th Anniversary Launch last November: “the organisation was the first to set up a Stopover for homeless young people, with Follow Up the first to provide tenancy support to ex-homeless people and the Cowgate day and overnight centre the first to achieve registration with the Care Commission.”

The Cowgate Centre sees itself as the first port of call for people without a roof over their heads. The highly trained staff can put them in touch with the relevant authorities and organisations, acting as an advocate. Gunn says, “We can link you with people who will help you budget, get you into employment, get you back on the straight and narrow. Normally within 28 days we will try and move you on from our service.”

The centre deals with a high turn over of people helping 8000 individuals last year, including over 500 who made use of the morning drop-in service. Gunn is keen to stress the close working relationship with the Edinburgh City Council who fund FourSquare. Over the past few years the Council has developed a new homeless strategy. The second phase, to be launched 25 May aims to eradicate homelessness by 2012 and is already looking at means of prevention such as helping people sustain their tenancies. “I think there will always be a turnover but I think Edinburgh Council is addressing these issues,” says Gunn.

Another aspect of the Cowgate Centre’s work the Council aids is the morning gym project. By issuing free leisure passes at the Commonwealth Pool the partnership have managed to get more people off the streets, promoting well-being instead of searching for drink.

However the centre also relies heavily on donations. While philanthropists such as a certain Mr X have provided the means to take people out of the homeless scene for a day and enjoy go-karting, Go Ape and fishing, the centre also welcomes clothing, towels and toiletries. Gunn claims, “People can arrive with only the clothes on their back and it’s quite degrading. At the minute we are a bit low on gent’s toiletries.” Even a half-empty bottle of shampoo would be a welcome addition to the sparse armoury at the centre. Donations are vital if the Cowgate Centre is to continue its hard work for the next 30 years and anyone wishing to help should view the “Just Giving and Fundraising” page of the FourSquare website at www.foursquare.org.uk. As the only Care Commission registered centre in the whole of Scotland the Cowgate Centre stands at the forefront of homelessness prevention and provides a crucial element of FourSquare’s fight against people sleeping rough.

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GET FIT HAVE FUN

SquareOne Feature

by Kate Smail

As the nights get longer and the days get warmer, so the layers must get fewer. If the thought of baring your dimply thighs and flabby wings is too much to contemplate ladies, (and metrosexual gents), let SquareOne guide you through the most enjoyable ways to get fit this summer.

This week sees the start of the third O'Neill Highland Open, Europe's premier surfing championship, taking place in the frigid waters around Thurso. It may lack the glamour of Hawaii's North Shore, but with around 70 surfable beaches around the Scottish coast, there's no excuse not to brave the waves.

Coldingham and Pease Bay are both mild breaks suitable for beginners, and both within 40 minutes drive of Edinburgh. Wetsuits and boards can be hired locally for about £20 all in, and both beaches benefit from life guards during the summer months. California it may not be, the water temperature peaks around a chilly 10 degrees, but at least you don't have to worry about Great White sharks or David Hassellhoff in a pair of red speedos . (See www.stvedas.com for details).

If icy seas aren't your thing, how about some snowy mountains? The Scottish ski resorts are enjoying their best season in many a year, and a few runs are expected to remain open into May. If you want to hone your skills, not to mention your thighs, over the summer, then head over to Xscape in Glasgow, the UK's largest indoor snow arena. They run a whole host of ski and snowboarding lessons, from taster sessions right through to park skill classes. There's an even after ski bar for when you're ready to switch pistes. (See www.xscape.co.uk and www.ski.visitscotland.com)

Or how about raising the temperature a little with some mountain biking? Less than an hour south of Edinburgh lies Glentress, the UK's largest trail centre. Whatever your level, trails are colour coded from green (easy peasy), to black (serious adrenaline junkies only), so it's easy to find your own pace. The climbs may be tough, but the views over the Tweed Valley are worth the sweat. Bikes can be hired from The Hub on site, and there is also a cafe serving hearty fare in the car park. Lycra is strictly optional, but after a few sessions you may find yourself warming to the idea, just to show off your perky new posterior... (see www.hubintheforest.com)

Statistically we may be a nation of fatties, but judging by the toned bodies gracing the afore mentioned activities, we're not all bad. And if the thought of seeing the beautiful people getting changed in the car park doesn't get you off the sofa, nothing will.

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ECA SPENDING SCANDAL

SquareOne News

by Chris Hammond

Senior students and staff at Edinburgh College of Art have raised concerns over the institution's spending after learning thousands of pounds have been spent on what many believe to be unnecessary extravagances.

Foremost amongst student gripes are the purchases of a chair costing £1,800, along with four powerful projectors totalling £60,000. These projectors are housed in the reception of Evolution House and project both the ECA logo and student artwork onto the walls. Connor Dupre a 4th year student said “There are four of those projectors and I believe Wembley Stadium only needs two. It’s bad management considering the distance they actually project in the reception.” A member of the ECA staff who wishes to remain anonymous also told SquareOne that the projectors were so powerful only one was needed on Madonna’s last world tour.

£167,000 was also spent during the design consultancy for Evolution House and projects at the Lauriston Place campus. ECA includes interior design as one of its taught disciplines. Miss Hollie Reid, student at ECA is disappointed that the College management didn’t ask students to do the work instead of outside contractors: “For the work on The Wee Red Bar in college, the students were involved and it went well . . . surely it would’ve looked good for the college to have had the students do this? It looks like another real waste of money.”

Malcolm Gauldie another 4th year, is angry about the amount spent on the interior design consultation. “I think there has to be an investment in the students and interior design is pretty superficial when you come down to it, we need more space, better tools for technicians to help the students and improved facilities.”

The support staff have also been affected with students noticing a decline in their work space and resources. Not only that but under a new job evaluation scheme, some staff claimed they could have their wages reduced by as much as a third in three years time. Miss Reid said: “The technicians help us get our degree, they’re essential whereas the projectors and things like that aren’t. These guys are integral to everything and are always here to help us. They should be getting a pay rise!” SquareOne can reveal that at a time some staff look set to lose money Ian Howard the Edinburgh College of Art Head took a 15% pay increase between 2005/6 and 2006/7 bringing his salary up to £112,608 per annum.

According to the ECA’s own website “operating costs are primarily met through government educational grants and student fees.” Despite this they state that “costs of essential student exhibitions such as the annual Fashion and Degree Shows must be met from sponsorship, ticket income and the generous support of our alumni and the general public.”

Michael Wood the College Secretary said that he had not received any complaints from students or staff on the issues raised. And went on to say that: “the College is committed to cost-effectiveness – it has now reduced its estate from 11 buildings to 4 which provides students with some of the best art and design facilities in the world, not just in the UK. The furnishings for students in the new building are the same as for the administrative departments – it would be a false economy to buy cheap, inferior designed furniture. The new building's interior design has recently won a top merit award in the US, which again promotes the College and Scottish higher education to the wider world in a very positive light. Both the architect of Evolution House and the lead interior design consultant are College graduates, so the institution does invest in its own home-grown talent.”

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CHALLENGE DAVE: THE BOWLERS REST

SquareOne Booze

by Dave Hynes

This pub was built on dreams. I can tell; dreams and visions of el Diablo. It was a pub built on poo and wee. Leithers! Oh glorious Leithers, you are the most fantastic purveyors of s_t pubs I have ever known and I think you all deserve a long well deserved rest, though perhaps not here amongst the “Bowlers”.

No, perhaps a leisurely stroll to those pearly gates which signify the beginnings of Princes Street would be better advised than a trip to the top of Leith Walk. You see Princes Street acts as the demarcation zone between civilisation, Scottish renaissance, successful finance and civic glory and Leith, glorious Leith, home of those fine Lilliputions of magnanimous pride and cantankerous values, that sacred bunch of heathens and believers in pagan rituals we call Leithers. And Leithers are exactly the kind of people who go to the Bowlers Rest, it simply wouldn’t do for other clans.

But Leither’s, glorious, Leithers can I say something which could help close half the pubs down in a whim? You like s_t pubs, I know you like s_t pubs because I’ve seen you in your natural element; the s_t pub. But you are missing out, glorious Leithers, if you like s_t pubs (which you do), you are being conned.

Why? Well, you ain’t getting your money’s worth at a place like the Bowler’s Rest, which still pales into insignificance against the grotesque brilliance of the Marksman, a pub I love to hate.

So what’s wrong with The Bowlers Rest? I think that it’s about time you took the plunge and found out yourself, I’ve been your guide for too long. Let me know if you make it out alive . . . I’ll be finding a more suitable place to booze out my retirement. I hear Andersons on Lothian Road is a nice place maybe I’ll go there.

MONEY FOR NOTHING

SquareOne Features

by Karen Combe

"Here's £2.00, go and see how much you can make from it". said the ed, "and write me a story, I need it in five minutes!" Is it just me or has everyone around here started to wear Prada, a red soul patch and grown horns?

"I'll show him," I thought as my entrepreneurial competitive edge kicked in. By the time I've finished I could be the only person ever, to have all the members of Dragon's Den begging to join my company.

That was last week. This week I am the sad owner of The Proclaimer's 'This is the Story' LP from 1987. It cost £2.00 from Cancer Research but being a bit of a Scottish anthem fan I thought it could be worth millions. My mind went into fast forward; me an international vintage record dealer sunning myself in St Tropez. But when I checked the LP out on eBay, you guessed it, it was worth a measly £1.98 and it would cost £2.00 to post to any prospective customer.

All was not lost. I remembered a suitcase of singles from the 1980's in the attic belonging to my err, grandmother and just maybe it contained some fantastic rare 45's worth a fortune. What was required now was some extensive research on You Tube and eBay. So six cups of coffee and a pack of 20 Jaffa cakes later I discover, Adam and the Ants' Dog Eat Dog', is worth almost nothing. Hazel O'Connor's 'Will You' according to You Tube commentators is still a great love song but is worth a mere £1.50 and 'Bank Robber' by the Clash from the 1980 Rock Galore UK tour is, say You Tube afficianados still awesomely cool and so is worth a rocking £3.99. But my grandmother just won't part with it. She is still mad about Joe Strummer!

During the course of my research I made the mistake of listening to Care's 'Flaming Sword'. It's a little known fact that once you've heard it it you'll never be able to get "Whoooooooooollllll buy my flaming sword, cold as cold, that old friend of mine," out your head - but not in a good way. No wonder it's only worth £1.20.

But the surprise Cash in the Attic find was a single by Scottish 80's band Leisure Process' 'A Way You'll Never Be' from 1982. Eureka! People on You Tube are begging for a copy. "Has anybody got 'A Way You'll Never Be,'" they cried. "Yes yes me," I said, back on the beach in St. Tropez. So why is this particular single in such demand? According to one YT commentator Leisure Process are the definitive sound of the early 80's. Then I notice something a bit spooky; the single's cover shows a picture of the Twin Towers. It definitely has to be sold, it could bring bad luck.

Sure enough the rarity is worth £7.98 on eBay which represents over 1000% return on gran's original investment of 75p back in 1982. There's only one small problem, strictly speaking | didn't buy the record with the ed's cash. However it will cost me £2.00 to an eBay buyer and as I sweet talked gran into giving it to me for nothing, I've used the acceptable 'Sugar' practice of blagging to generate cash, so I think I'm in the clear. Who knows, by this time next week I could have made so much money from only £2.00 I could be sipping a 'Wimpy' coffee on Portobello beach!

CHUBBY CHILDREN CLING TO COUCH

SquareOne News


by Lou Hardless


A recent study undertaken by Growing Up in Scotland has shown that 63 per cent of Scottish children under the age of two watched television every day. The study also revealed that 23 per cent of youngsters under the age of four are already overweight, which places Scotland second only to the United States in the worldwide obesity league.

It seems watching television has become a way of life for many young people across the globe. Research in America by the Kaiser Foundation has shown on average children and adolescents spend 22 to 28 hours per week viewing television, more than any other activity except sleeping. By the age of 70 they will have spent 7 to 10 years of their lives watching TV.

So why should we make those terrible teens turn off the box? Well, a recent study published in the journal Archives of Paediatrics and Adolescent Medicine shows that restricting hours used to TV viewing hours made for healthier and slimmer kids. The study found that children and young people with restricted viewing of the television ate on average 300 calories less per day than their telly obsessed counterparts. Surely the best excuse parents have had to reclaim the remote in years?

PROMENADE PUPS

SquareOne Features


by Lou Hardless


Regular users of Portobello Promenade might well be familiar with the sight of obedient dogs under going training. These guide dogs, along with their handlers have been using the prom for the last seven years, since moving from Milton Road in Edinburgh to nearby coastal resort of Portobello.


Gavin Neate a Guide Dog mobility instructor, explains why Portobello was such a good base for Guide Dogs in Scotland, formerly known as Guide Dogs for the Blind:


"Originally the dog training centre was based in Forfar, which proved to be far from our main client group. In 2001, we relocated our services to Edinburgh and Hamilton, and expansion into the Borders and East & West Lothian is being planned for the future."


Portobello offers a wide variety of training areas for the dogs, with a number of key features they are likely to come across when they are eventually put to work. The busy High Street with it's pelican crossings, low and raised kerbs, along with the beach, buses and trains mean the animals will be well equipped to deal with whatever challenges they face when re-homed.


From young the dogs are socialised with families and other pets. At a year they begin eight months of basic training before moving onto more advanced levels. Once finished they are matched with suitable owners. Previous assessments and comprehensive training for both parties takes place, followed by yearly aftercare visits.


So when you see a guide dog out and about on their training exercises, do your best not to distract them.

LIGHTSPEED CHAMPION Q&A

SquareOne Entertainment

by Chris Hammond

Devonte Hynes is lead singer of Lightspeed Champion, one of the hottest indie acts in the UK. Adored by the NME and winning an ever growing legion of fans we managed to wangle half an hour with him whilst he hurtled through a 22 mile tunnel in Switzerland.

SquareOne: If you could pick one film as your favourite what would it be?

Devonte Hynes: “My favourite film would be the bowling comedy Kingpin with Woody Harrelson. I think it's one of the funniest films ever really. I can't even remember when I first saw it, I was probably thirteen or something but I've always thought it was really really good. I haven't seen it in a long time but I love the bits where Woody Harrelson is just shamed and down and out. I need to go re-buy it. I love that film”.

SQ1: What is the best performance you've ever been to?

DH: “When I was about fifteen I saw Every Time I Die play the Camden Underworld and it was one of the most mind-blowing things I've ever seen. Just these guys on stage giving it all they could, I've never seen anything like that and it took performance to a new level for me”.

SQ1: What’s your idea of a great book?

DH: “I've read Please Kill Me the punk history book a lot. But I'm more of a comic book man, I love David Boring by Daniel Clowes. I could probably recite it word for word. It's about a guy who likes perfect girls and it's just weird and completely amazing with lots of subplots”.

SQ1: What’s the best thing on TV?

DH: “Lost it's classic TV. It's the best thing on TV and it will probably be the best thing that ever is on TV. I'm holding my breath to see what's going to happen next. I need to stay up to date with it”.

SQ1: Your prediction for star of the future?

DH: “Martin Brignall of The Train Chronicles. He’s just recorded an EP, I’m not sure when it’s out but it’s going to be really good. The music is quite bluesy but in a good way not like a critics choice Brit Award way. He’s twenty five and I really hope he’ll be hitting the heights quite soon”.

SQ1: The entertainment gadget could you not cope without?

DH: “Probably my CD discman. I got on to iPods but I just find them annoying. I prefer the look of Cd's and I love being able to just look at the inlay. I've got a jog proof one now but I didn't in school. I had to invent a new way to walk so the tracks didn't skip”.

SQ1: What’s the best site on the web?

DH: “Superhero Hype. It's all about comics, movies and alternative TV. It's got news and gossip updates on it and it's my home browser, it’s pretty up to date every time I log on”.

PAIN BEFORE GAIN: THE EDINBURGH TRAMS

SquareOne News Feature

by Chris Hammond

With the furore over the Edinburgh trams getting increasingly heated SquareOne caught up with a tram travelling expat Scot living in the Polish City of Wroclaw for his opinion.

Gregor Gowans is a part time music journalist and English teacher who has been living in Poland for nine months now. He knows Scotland like the back of his hand and is in a perfect position to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of the tram system in one of the biggest cities in central Europe. Does he, like so many people in Edinburgh agree that the trams are going to be detrimental in the long and short term?

“Well I know what Edinburgh is like, the traffic is hellish. It’s a really congested city and I can’t think anyone would really fancy driving around there. Thing is though Wroclaw is a much bigger city and just as busy but you just don’t get the same sort of problems over here and yeah that could well be down to the efficiency of the trams. They are cheap, clean and fast. I use them whenever I can.”

Gregor tells SquareOne the trams vary in age and are still dependant on the flow of traffic for making it to their stops on time. But he also thinks their status as environmentally friendly could work in their favour over here.

“There aren’t actually many routes the trams take but the ones they do use are much better than the buses. To be honest the other thing about them is that they are seen as environmentally friendly and as a real student city people seem to like this. I mean Edinburgh is pretty polluted right? You hardly see a bird in some parts of town. Wroclaw isn’t great either but trams are better than anything else in that respect”.

So without being in Edinburgh right now can Gregor appreciate the problems that are being caused by the introduction of the trams and does he think that the ends will justify the means?

“You know what it’s a little pain for a lot of gain. Petrol is going up in price and this is the time for other kinds of transportation. If a city can get away with it now then why not do it? Sure the commotion will cause problems and I don’t expect that the work will be quick but it’ll be worth it”.

Photo by Katie Lips

BREAKING NEWS: CYCLIST KILLED IN EDINBURGH

SquareOne News

by Pere Fornes

A cyclist was killed after he was hit by a lorry in Edinburgh city centre this morning according to police.

The 35 year-old man suffered serious injuries and died at the scene after the accident that happened on the corner of Nicolson and West Richmond Street at about 9.30am.

A police spokesman appealed for witnesses. He said: "An investigation is under way to establish the cause of the collision and the driver is assisting with inquiries."

Clerk Street was closed to traffic after the collision. This, combined with ongoing gas main works in the area brought traffic chaos to the surrounding streets. Police diverted traffic through Nicolson Square which caused problems for bus passengers around Surgeons' Hall.

SQUAREONE: SUMMER STYLE

SquareOne Fashion

by Caitlin Rattray

The time has come to cast out our winter woollies, shed our layers and turn our attention to the trends that are emerging as this year's summer essentials; a selection of classic trends reworked for 2008:

Floral

Summer = flowers. Not exactly ground-breaking stuff you might think, but this year's offering is a little darker than the pale, flimsy floral of the past. Inspired by the Luella’s punky prints teamed with printed tees and laced up boots at London Fashion Week, the high street has firmly latched on, offering a selection of cute little numbers. Add black accessories; tights, belts, or better still, sling a skull and crossbones around our neck to put to rest any comparisons with Hyacinth Bucket.

Find it at: New Look

Nautical

Never really out of fashion, nautical is a god-send considering how easy it is to achieve. The key is not to go overboard (no pun intended) by dressing top to toe in a barrage of stripes and gold buttons thus running the risk of looking like Popeye. For a fresh take, mix it up with stars, to create an American influenced look courtesy of Chanel’s Paris shows. Go for navy as opposed to royal blue in striped tees, splashes of red. Any sort of naval headwear is strictly forbidden but blazers and straw bags are welcome additions.

Find it at: Topshop

Safari

A softly, softly take on the classic look has emerged as one of this season's favourite trends. This time around, the muted colour palette of the past - cream, beige, khaki and brown - has been mixed with floaty silks and chiffons to create a romantic take on safari. Go for belted khaki jackets and waistcoats, slouchy shorts, complete with a pair of well-bronzed pins. Accessorise with Gladiator sandals, lots of chunky wooden bangles, splashes of animal print and why not add a straw trilby in recognition of everybody’s favourite explorer.

Find it at: Gap

Photo by Camila Martins

OLYMPICS-A-HOY

EXCLUSIVE

SquareOne Sports Feature

by Chris Mackie

The alpha male of the British track cycling team and in possession of (deep breath) nine world championship gold medals, two Commonwealth golds, an Olympic gold, Olympic silver and five World Championship silver medals, Chris Hoy recently led British cycling to unprecedented success at the World Championships held in Manchester. SquareOne caught up with him as he took a well deserved break after the competition.

Diplomatically fending off our gushing congratulations about the World Championship success, Hoy explains that his focus is now very much on the Olympics.

"I am just about to get back into training” he says. “I have done a few road rides and some light work but it is important to have a complete switch off, not just physically but mentally as well, because otherwise you will just plateau before the Olympics."
Having admitted to being something of a trainaholic in the past, Hoy has mixed feelings about resting.

"Initially the break is great but after three or four days you are itching to get back on the bike. And even though to an extent you can eat what you like, you begin to feel a bit lethargic and restless.”

Luckily, he doesn’t have to wait long to put that restlessness to use. The gruelling training schedule in the run up to the Olympics is imminent and he speaks surprisingly warmly of the often brutal sessions he faces in the coming weeks.

"The training we do is not so much about the volume, it is about the effort we expend in the session. We begin with strength work - a lot of work in the gym - then we move on to training that is more about power and speed, and then on to building up lactic tolerance, which is the worst."

Not for the faint hearted, this section of the schedule helps the athlete’s body form resistance to the pain caused by lactic acid. “The drills we do involve the static bikes in the lab” Hoy explains. We do a thirty second burst of effort followed by a one minute recovery. Basically you are creating a massive lactic acid build up followed by a short recovery time which means that when you start the next burst you still have lactic acid in your system.”

As the lazybones SquareOne winces, Hoy claims that the athletes don’t dread these sessions as much as you might think. "It is more that you know they (the sessions) are coming and it is always in the back of your mind. Every time you do that training it feels like the worst you have ever felt and in a funny way the fitter you are the harder that training is, because it is easier to get injured. For fifteen minutes afterwards the pain is really bad but then you come through it and, although you are still tired, you feel pretty good."

A relative veteran of two Olympics, Hoy says that the Olympic village is not all it is cracked up to be. “The village is a very pressurised and tense place before the games, so you don't want to spend too long there, but it is a great place to be when you are finished. Before the games there is huge tension and huge pressure on the athletes and coaches. Tempers can get frayed and the atmosphere can be not that pleasant."

Having been forced into a shift in events after the ludicrous decision to replace the 1km time trial with BMX on the Olympic roster, Hoy will be fighting on three fronts in Beijing. In a tight racing diary, he will compete in the team sprints, the keirin and the individual sprint in a five day period and is optimistic about his chances. "Realistically, the keirin is my best chance of wining" Hoy notes determinedly. "The team sprint will be the hardest because the French are so dominant. We have a very good chance of a medal but they are the favourites. We are in the ascendancy after our performance at the world championships and we are definitely improving. It will really shake up the French team if we beat them and it will give us a huge boost before the individual events."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cnu9caTTgqc

Photo by johnthescone

YIPPEEKAYAY MURRAY WALKER!

SquareOne Opinion

by Dave Hynes

Oh dear! Bruce Willis has allegedly been chosen to play the Formula One legend Murray Walker in a biopic about Michael Schumacher. It seems bad casting decisions “Die Hard” (oh dear! ED) as perhaps the worst A list actor working in Hollywood today looks set to spoil an otherwise potentially decent flick.

Alright, he might be okay when he’s in a vest fighting German terrorists, and he was okay in Pulp Fiction - but when have you ever watched a film and said: “wow that Bruce Willis is a versatile thespian.” Yeah, about as versatile as Sylvester Stallone! Put him in a boxing ring or a jungle, fair enough. But ask him to portray a deeply rich and complex character which captivates the audience at every whim? I’m sorry I just don’t reckon this thing can work.

Let’s see which actor/film mismatches would work the best . . .

What about Joe Pesci in a biopic of Tony Blair? I think I’d like a Mafioso vendetta between him and Gordon Brown, played of course by Gerard Depardieu. “Who da f_k you lookin at Gordon, what you think I’m funny how, like I’m a clown, like I f_king amuse you you fat f_k, I’ll demote you to Home Secretary you f_k, you fat f_k”. Reckon there’s an Oscar there somewhere.

Talking of Oscars; okay Stephen Fry, in the role nature intended him to play, did Mr Wilde some justice. But better than Vinnie Jones or John Wayne could do? Think of how the razor sharp wit would sound with that cockney gloss or the Duke’s cowboy temperament. Oscar would look good in his spurs, hand on his gun holster, trademark limp “I can resist anything but temptation”.

Arnie doesn’t seem to do much nowadays, even as the Governator of a state the size of western Europe, he could do good service to a film about Alex Salmond, “Hasta la vista Labour”- he could bench press his way through the political bits.

Okay maybe they’d make terrible films but Hollywood can throw up its own nightmarish mismatches. There have been times where certain actors and actresses simply do a stinking job! You have to ask what’s going on behind-the-scenes when they do the casting? Anyone who’s ever watched Jon Voight’s performance in Anaconda will know exactly what I mean. He made Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube positively shine. Christ, he made the anaconda look competent!

MAKING A NOISE

SquareOne Features

by Lou Hardless

Edinburgh Music Studio and Rehearsal Suites


Verden Studio is situated on the site that once belonged to Scottish Power in the east side of the city. What initially looks like a collection of run down, semi derelict buildings from the front, takes on a whole new meaning when visited from the side entrance at Fishwives Causeway. The buildings walls are adorned with colourful graffiti artwork and the inside is equally as vibrant.

Since May 2004, this well established studio has built up its reputation in providing secure, reasonably priced and flexible premises with ready to use equipment. It has gone from offering one to six sound proofed practice rooms and opening times that suit a variety of schedules, from 12 midday through to 12 midnight, most week days and weekends.

This place seems to offers a host of options for budding music ‘stars’ . Its manager Fiona Raggatt, talked SquareOne through what was on offer; practice rooms, a multi track digital recording suit, gift vouchers for studio time – Verden Studio has everything for those ambitious enough to create and record their very own musical masterpiece.

The facility is used by both locals and those living further a field. It’s seen established and amateur musicians, theatre performers, and even hen parties - out to try something new and innovative in the form of producing their very own song. Verdan Studios say they are committed to providing Scottish musicians with a facility that genuinely seeks to offer what they want, and that is certainly what it appears to do.

www.verdenstudio.co.uk

RESTAURANT REVIEW: THE HERBE

SquareOne Food

by Lou Hardless

Nestled between the back drop of traffic congestion, building development, the stream of workers and sleepy tourists, sits a charming little oasis tucked away from the chaos, noise and passers-by.

Herbe is a charming little restaurant that can be found on George IV Bridge. Its entrance suggests a small deli, but an elegant Rennie Macintosh style winding stair case takes you down into a snug, yet almost utilitarian, all-day diner come restaurant.

The friendly staff is efficient and helpful and more than happy to guide you through the various mouth watering options on the menu, catering for the most timid gastronomic right through to the connoisseur. Its ample wine list ranges from £10 to £80 per bottle, offering a fabulous range of choices.

Once ordered, a complimentary 'amuse-bouches' arrives in the form of marinated olives and crunchy falafels. The Gnocchi that followed had an interesting flare; it was not soggy or dry, but perfectly cooked with parmesan cheese toasted lightly on the top, giving it a slightly crunchy texture. Nestled beneath lay a bed of vegetables, a sweet and colourful addition.

Finally out came a heavenly and succulent chocolate dessert, covered in a thick dark sauce, that left my stomach groaning and a smile planted firmly on my face.

This wonderful place has the utterings of the Secret Garden; a restaurant that is part of the Witchery Group, hidden away, and only known to an exclusive few. But its edge must be the price, the food is truly unbelievable and remarkably, also very good value for money.

FILM OF THE WEEK: FLASHBACKS OF A FOOL

SquareOne Entertainment

by Alexa Brown

Flashbacks of a Fool is blonde Bond Daniel Craig's first stab at the old producing lark. And so, perhaps unfairly, you can't help but hold him slightly responsible for the feeling of perplexity as the credits roll at the end of his latest offering. It's not that the film is bad. On the contrary, in fact, the majority of its 113 minutes is thoroughly enjoyable, but you cannot fail to spend a lot of time wishing it along, almost in the same way one leans into corners on fantasy X-box car games which, ultimately, makes absolutely no bloody difference to the outcome.

The film (directed by Baillie Walsh) follows has-been actor Joe Scott who is wasting his life on drink, drugs and naked romps (any Daniel groupies will no doubt be kept happy simply by the opening sequence in which his nude buttocks feature prominently). Following the news that his old childhood friend Boots (Max Deacon) has died, along with a harsh reality check from his agent, Joe flees to the beach where he reflects on his childhood back in England, and where we see for the first time the loves, lies and tragedies that shaped his adult life.

Craig's portrayal of Cole is convincing but you can't help thinking that this is because the part is, basically, him. And not only that, but it's also not particularly different from the other parts he's played: robotic, straight faced, and pretty much lacking any emotion. The film is moving in parts, but this comes mostly from the heartbreaking flashbacks to Cole's teenage years, where the younger character is played by Harry Eden.

The ultimate problem with this film is the timing. It seems to take an age to get started and then, when it finally does, so little time is left for bringing the pieces together at the end that you leave the cinema feeling as though you're missing something. The friendship between Cole and his supposed best friend Boots is seriously underdeveloped, and the emotional scenes at the end feel rushed and not highly prioritised.

Despite all this, though, Flashbacks of a Fool will do well. It's stylish, well-written and captures well the nostalgia and pain of a difficult childhood. There is also a cracking, retro-style soundtrack to be enjoyed that moulds perfectly with the look of the film. Bryan Ferry fans – get yourselves along.

REVIEW: NEW FOUND SOUND

SquareOne Entertainment

by Katie Smyth

Being SquareOne’s regular theatre lovey’s a hard job but somebody’s got to do it. Interval wine, plush red velvet seats and schmoosing with Edinburgh’s theatrical darlings has become the name of the game, leaving gig reviews and all things hip to our very own Uncle Hammond. But in an attempt to “keep it real” and offer our avid readers a different perspective we’ve mixed it up with a little role reversal. So having cringed his way through a Nigel Havers production at the King’s Theatre earlier this month Hammond reaped his revenge, dragging me away from my carefully carved niche at the Lyceum to the Wee Red Bar for a night of electro rock.

Glam it isn’t but there’s something rather endearing about the sheer scumminess of the ECA’s cramped union. While the toilets are best not visited without a PhD in hygiene or detonation, the gin’s cold and there’s enough cute indie boys to keep the skinny jean industry in trade for the foreseeable future.

We were here for a showcase of fresh, up and coming new talent - eccentric enough to fit in with the 20 art students who formed the bulk of an intimate yet enthusiastic audience. So glow-sticked up we took our places for the first set by Juno, a band of naïve young pups with logo tee-shirts, obligatory uber-stylish haircuts and a distinct lack of bottoms.

There’s something to be said for the guts and tenacity of a band who keep playing even when they blatantly can’t handle their own technology. The truth is jumping and spinning like the proverbial whirling dervish does not mix with a tin-pot synth which spluttered and shrieked before throwing up half way through the first song. Not to be deterred Juno skilfully rearranged their rubix cubes, adjusted their fluorescent spectacles and kept on leaping. When all else fails resort to retro kid’s toys and maracas. Eventually the technology monkeys got the system up and running and we were treated to the soundtrack of a cheap Japanese porno, complete with a token Sesame Street sample. Definite crowd pleasers Juno’s insatiable energy and flamboyant dancing was reminiscent of a theatrical show.

Keeping with the theatrics theme the Futuristic Retro Champions opened their set with a display of frontwoman Cecelia’s knickers as she executed handstands to the evident joy of Manson, the band’s resident groupie. An eclectic mix of keyboard, bass, trumpet and a singer who fancies herself a bit of a Debbie Harry - FRC are cute and kitch, if a tad sloppy. The sound just wasn’t clean enough with a bit too much going on, especially the orgasmic screaming in “DIY Lovesong.”

Following the antics of the first two groups Weegie headliners Kobai were left a mere 15 minutes to show the others how it’s done. The ethereal Placeboesque voice of the lead singer was beautifully juxtaposed by the hairy yetis moshing and headbanging on the synths and keyboards. Starting rocky, the set crescendoed through cow bells, finishing with a track verging on classic techno that left you reminiscing about the glory days of Underworld and making shapes in a dodgy back alley club in Prague. Finally the glow-sticks were explained.

A 10pm curfew cut short one great and two mediocre sets and we left Manson deciding which FRC girl, (or boy) to sleep with tonight with ringing ears and a healthy interest in Kobai’s prospects.

INTERVIEW: BARRINGTON STOKES PUBLISHERS 2

SquareOne Features

by Karen Combe

Part Two

Crime writers and male interest subjects seem to dominate the 2007 catalogue somewhat, but Murray insists this is what reader's want: "It just so happens that the authors who are interested in us are crime writers, and we are looking for good authors. Ninety per cent of our readers are male, so many of our titles do have male leading characters. But we do have some titles such as No More Victims by Natasha Cooper and One Mistake by Joanna Hines, with female leading characters that will appeal to all readers."

Zanily titled gr8reads, for ages 12-16 but with a reading age below eight, deals sensitively with the grown up issues of pregnancy, love and serious illness. But in Deadline, by John Townsend, a terrorist intent on blowing up a plane en route to Washington with a portable anti-aircraft missile system gets his comeuppance and ends up well and truly splattered, definitely a story with a moral.

Classics are beginning to appear to balance out the range and exciting themes continue to keep reluctant readers interested. Murray is very keen to push forward in this direction and says: "This is a project we approached in conjunction with City Literature earlier this year. Robert Louis Stevenson's Kidnapped was adapted into a graphic novel by comic artist Cam Kennedy (better known for his work on Batman), with writing partner Alan Grant and was really well received. The next classic Jekyll and Hyde will be even better. It's got the perfect story for us and is it's due out in 2008."

They are pleased to say that their books are reviewed on a level playing field alongside mainstream books and Brown is clear about their position in the publishing world. "We were the Independent Children's Publisher of the year in 2006 and the books and the company are always received well. We do have much smaller book runs compared with large publishers, and are not seen as competition as we are a specialist publisher with schools constituting a quarter of our market. We don't accept unsolicited manuscripts, though people do send them in believing it is easy to write in this style."

Barrington Stoke continue to flourish, and unlike most other publishers are not restrained by what publishing guru Steve Ferris refers to as 'fashion, trends and crazes.' No doubt in their tenth anniversary year they will continue to forge ahead in their own unique direction. Murray says: "To celebrate our anniversary we are having a bumper publishing year with a new series Solo for really struggling readers and extra print runs from all our ranges. We will back at the Edinburgh Festival again with a theme relating to our new projects and of course we will be having a big party."

Seven of their authors are long listed for various prestigious book awards including James Lovegrove, author of Kill Swap, who is long listed for the Manchester book award 2008, will be celebrating too.

STAR WARS EPISODE SEVEN: ATTACK OF THE ALCOHOLICS

SquareOne Opinion

by Dave Hynes

SquareOne daft news instalment I feel your presence.

A "chronic alcoholic" Welshman has attacked two Star Wars fans whilst he was dressed as the dreaded Darth Vader. Yes dressed in bin bags and Vader mask Arwel Wynne Hughes decided to vent his fury on some unsuspecting sci-fi-phile wackos. They weren’t just any Star Wars fans either, but founding fathers of the Jedi Church. Sometimes they write themselves.

Well of course he’s excused from any SquareOne recrimination; we’ve seen and heard much worse in our own office, so let’s celebrate him instead. Get a vivid mental picture of Episode Seven; Attack of the Alcoholics. Inebriated Welshman are a fearsome bunch at the best of times but even more scary when dressed as an evil intergalactic warmonger weilding a crutch and yelling "I’ll get you Skywalker boyo".

Still, this is strange, even for that odd little part of the galaxy. The valleys have been home to some renowned wacko’s before, but this might just take the biscuit; Arwel Wynne Hughes, from Holyhead, can’t even remember the attack and only found out about it after reading the next morning’s paper! Now I’ve had some shocking flashbacks in my time and committed some truly grave faux pas, but this one still has to be beaten. Still, humiliation damns whereas humility sanctifies, and in his defence he was ….. wellied!

As for the church? Well it seems to be a breeding ground for some strange form of nerdish sci-fi terrorism. Regular sermons on the ‘force’, light sabre practicing and meditation techniques being just some of the more unusual practices. What is it about Star Wars which gets people so excited anyway? It hardly ranks with classics like Police Academy 1-9 but there are an outstanding 70,000 Australian subscribers to this same Jedi religion. Madness.

Photo by Pingüim na Janela

GIRLS VS BOYS PART TWO

SquareOne Entertainment

by Katie Smyth

Katie’s Lads’ Film Reviews

Popcorn? Check. Pringles? Check. Kingsize box of tissues? Check. For years now I’ve been adept at putting together the perfect combination for a girlie night in. From the age of ten me and my girls have laughed and cried our way through about every rom-com released more and more with Bridget. So imagine my dismay when my fellow SquareOne monkey Hammond challenged me to a trilogy of macho, gore-filled DVDs. Having grown up the only girl with a pile of boy cousins I’ve seen my fair share of lads’ films but it’s been quite an achievement to reach my 23rd year without seeing the Alien trilogy. So without further ado here’s my female trip through the cannon of blokes’ tinsel-town.

Aliens

Starring: Sigourney Weaver and Michael Behn

Ellen Ripley wakens up after a 57 year hypersleep to discover she has to foot the bill for the last space ship she blew up. Trouble is no one’s willing to accept it was all done in the name of saving mankind from an unknown life-form and in the meantime have colonised the rock where the original hoo-ha kicked off. So when it all hits the fan and contact is lost with the colonials Ripley’s called back to kick some alien butt. In a film where the men are butch and women butcher this outstanding piece of 80s third-wave feminism will have you desperate to burn your bra, don a hideous jumpsuit and grab the closest flamethrower to hand. Brilliant, but couldn’t Ripley and Hicks please just get it together?!

Beerfest

Starring: Jay Chandrasekhar, Kevin Heffernan, Steve Lemme and Paul Soter

Described in the blurb as “coarse, crass and crude,” Beerfest is a truly revolting insight into male binge drinking at its worst. Two American brothers rock up at Oktoberfest to scatter the ashes of their Bavarian grandfather, and in the ensuing chaos manage to expose every breast in sight and majorly piss off “ze Germans.” Vowing to return next year to drink the krauts under the table they recruit a Jewish nerd, fat hick and troubled rent boy, and belch their way through the next twelve months. Employing every racial stereotype in the book this two hour package of filth highlights everything that’s wrong with giving an American a keg.

Master and Commander

Starring: Russell Crowe and Paul Bettany

If there’s one thing Russell Crowe can do it’s testosterone-fuelled action hero but minus the leather “Gladiator” body armour and nippy crew cut he disappoints in this Napoleonic romp. Chasing a French man-of-war around Cape Horn in 1815 Captain Crowe drags his motley crew through battle, tempest and weevil-infested biscuits until they finally find port in the Galapagos. Though packed with cannon fire and amputations a-plenty Master and Commander never loses the niggling feeling that this is just second-rate Hornblower with a craggier, less pretty protagonist than Ioan Gruffadd. Though Bettany plays a convincingly sensitive foil to Crowe’s alpha male as the ship’s doctor the overall impression is undercut by wooden acting, poor plot and overly ambitious graphics.

GIRLS VS BOYS PART ONE

SquareOne Entertainment

by Chris Hammond

Hammond's Chick Flick Reviews

Chick flicks, the very thought of them brings back long suppressed memories of ex-girlfriends, Sunday night television before digital arrived and cinemas smelling like The Body Shop. Eager to see if my opinion had mellowed in my old age, I perhaps unwisely, challenged Katie to a lads vs ladies DVD duel. Selecting for her a historical war epic, gory sci-fi and depressingly crass comedy, I thought I had the upper had . . . till I saw what was in store for me!

Bridget Jones’s Diary

Starring: Renee Zellweger, Hugh Grant and Colin Firth

Zellweger plays a frumpy blonde who for some reason is romantically torn between uber-cad Grant and creepy, permanently morose Firth. Mishap follows mishap, occasionally raising a smile or chuckle. There’s a fight, not a very good one but a scrap nevertheless, some decent one liners and the occasional surprise cameo. And then it ends! Too soon? Not really .

For the record she should go for Hugh Grant every time . . .

The Devil Wears Prada

Starring: Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt and Meryl Streep

Ostensibly nothing more than an advert for impractical clothing and bad acting, The Devil Wears Prada is also duller than a week in the jail. For starters it’s pretty difficult to comprehend any film that requires sex on legs Anne Hathaway to say “I am not skinny or glamorous” in the first five minutes. The ‘story’ then revolves around Hathaways attempts to please her lukewarm employer Streep whilst trying to ‘keep it real’. If I’d been directing, the final scene would have involved a lorry ploughing into the tedious lot of them. But of course as a fish out of water feel good drama everything ends well for everyone. Utter s_t.

Footloose

Starring: Kevin Bacon, Lori singer and John Lithgow

Veering from camp to serious and back again this all dancing tale of religious repression, violence against women and bad hair is the ultimate in racy 80’s trash teen cinema. Kevin Bacon plays a brooding, hip, city hoodlum trying to boogie the night away with the local skirt. Things don’t go to plan though because first he must un-ban dancing. One thing that can be said in favour of Footloose is that it confirms to the world that if you wanna get the girl you’ve gotta be able to jive like a prat, kick the crap out of rival alpha males and generally act like a total prick. Profound.