CHALLENGE DAVE: THE BOWLERS REST

SquareOne Booze

by Dave Hynes

This pub was built on dreams. I can tell; dreams and visions of el Diablo. It was a pub built on poo and wee. Leithers! Oh glorious Leithers, you are the most fantastic purveyors of s_t pubs I have ever known and I think you all deserve a long well deserved rest, though perhaps not here amongst the “Bowlers”.

No, perhaps a leisurely stroll to those pearly gates which signify the beginnings of Princes Street would be better advised than a trip to the top of Leith Walk. You see Princes Street acts as the demarcation zone between civilisation, Scottish renaissance, successful finance and civic glory and Leith, glorious Leith, home of those fine Lilliputions of magnanimous pride and cantankerous values, that sacred bunch of heathens and believers in pagan rituals we call Leithers. And Leithers are exactly the kind of people who go to the Bowlers Rest, it simply wouldn’t do for other clans.

But Leither’s, glorious, Leithers can I say something which could help close half the pubs down in a whim? You like s_t pubs, I know you like s_t pubs because I’ve seen you in your natural element; the s_t pub. But you are missing out, glorious Leithers, if you like s_t pubs (which you do), you are being conned.

Why? Well, you ain’t getting your money’s worth at a place like the Bowler’s Rest, which still pales into insignificance against the grotesque brilliance of the Marksman, a pub I love to hate.

So what’s wrong with The Bowlers Rest? I think that it’s about time you took the plunge and found out yourself, I’ve been your guide for too long. Let me know if you make it out alive . . . I’ll be finding a more suitable place to booze out my retirement. I hear Andersons on Lothian Road is a nice place maybe I’ll go there.