DON AND OUT

SquareOne Sport

by Chris Hammond

You can’t sit, you’ve not been able to for over an hour. You feel tense, excited and physically drained. It’s cold, there’s rain and a wind which brings the lingering scent of alcohol with it. But for the huddled 22,000 enduring the elements on this December night in the North East the four goals Aberdeen would score against Danish heavyweights Copenhagen will be more than enough comfort from the elements.

Fast forward four months and a team largely consisting of the exact same players as that UEFA Cup glory night are strewn across a soggy Hampden pitch. Here they lie contemplating a 4-3 mauling at the hands of mid-table First Divison no marks Queen Of The South in a the Scottish Cup semi final.

Aberdeen manager Jimmy Calderwood, a mahogany skinned, rotund, gopher-like journalist's wet dream; stands on the touchline watching the players he jettisoned years ago scoring against and celebrating the defeat of a club once considered the best in the world. Red and white scarves rain down on the pitch as the north retreats from their battlefield rout at the hands of the south.

The week following sees Calderwood praise the ageing, decrepit Jackie McNamara, hailing him as the man to turn the club's fortunes round. This is despite the one time Scottish Player of the year being the poorest footballer on the park. Worse yet goal scoring pocket dynamo Barry Nicholson announces he won’t be staying at a club where he shines like a diamond in a morass of footballing faeces. Of course there were sacrificial lambs and noises made about new signings to appease the disgruntled fans. But largely those set for the chop didn’t play in the Cup debacle, and those seen as being the fast fix for the most rapidly declining force in football consist of two ex players who didn’t make a mark the first time round, a leaden footed former Rangers defender and a Dutch goalkeeper famous for a leaked video involving him enjoying bedroom deviance with a former girlfriend.

Before the season ends, Pittodrie an imposing fortress on the coast, prepares itself for three more scheduled raids. Willie Miller, a titanic, gladiatorial captain of former years looks on from his position as football director at a collection of troops which have shipped 8 goals in two semi finals this year, have no hope of a European Campaign come the autumn and are being managed by a man the fans accuse of picking a team through a “tactical tombola”.

Hewn from granite, the city of Aberdeen can merge with the sky on a dull day, leaving things an almost intolerably depressing shade of grey. Yet when the sun appears and the clouds depart, Aberdeen becomes a glistening beacon, a beautiful hub of elegance on a rugged landscape.

As this schizophrenic season of soccer shenanigans trundles to an end and a summer of rebuilding begins, the fans of Aberdeen FC have to ponder whether the next term will be silver or grey – Copenhagen or Queen Of The South. At the moment even the most optimistic would admit it’s grim up north.

GRETNA'S MARRIAGE WITH DISASTER

by David Hynes

SquareOne Sport

Sometimes three clicks of the heel is all it ever needs. Sometimes the frog turns into Prince Charming and sometimes the ugly sisters are silenced into submission; but for Gretna FC all talk of fairytale endings is well and truly over. For the town most famous for its quick-fire wedding arrangements, their divorce from footballing success could not have been more pronounced.

The rise and fall of Gretna football club reads like a movie script. The tiny Dumfriesshire village, with a population of only 3,000 and famous only as the destination of choice for runaway lovers must now come to terms with its starring role in a tragic separation - that of fantasy and football.

Gretna won the hearts of so many football fans with their courageous efforts against Hearts in the 2006 Scottish Cup Final- cruelly losing in a tense penalty shoot-out. In doing so they became the smallest team ever to reach the final, in any cup in British football history. This was a truly staggering achievement which defied all expectations and flew in the face of conventional footballing wisdom. Gretna became the first team from the third tier of their domestic league to qualify for the UEFA Cup. Football’s minnows had done it, they’d competed with the big boys and the horizon looked rosy indeed.

Their rise from the Unibond League to the SPL was fuelled by cash injections from millionaire benefactor Brooks Mileson. With a sugar daddy seemingly hell-bent on making his footballing baby the pride of a nation, Gretna began to draw fans from around the country becoming everybody’s second favourite team.

But this season, things began to go wrong. Brooks Mileson fell seriously ill and a string of bad results on the field were matched by paltry attendances in their temporary Fir park home. In the midst of this chaos, the Mileson family withdrew all funding from the club.

On 12 March 2008, Gretna officially went into administration. The ten point deduction that this meant left them with just six points from 28 games and without hope of SPL survival.
The SPL will be relieved if the club can fulfil their obligations for the rest of the season. If Gretna goes into liquidation, which they still might, their results will be expunged from this season's record.

Such an outcome would have had a major impact on the SPL table, reducing leaders Rangers' advantage over Celtic from four points to just one. Fourth-placed Dundee United would leapfrog Motherwell and the make-up of the top six would also be affected.

Gretna lost 3-0 to Aberdeen in their last game, and they can only fulfil their SPL fixtures with financial support from the league. With only a handful of fixtures left, their fate has been sealed, though their future seems far from certain.

Can there be one last twist in the fairytale? I’d start kissing frogs if I was a Gretna fan and hope Mr Mileson can pull through and have a change of heart. A tragic ending to a tale which only last year seemed to promise so much.